General Aviation Humor

Some aviation humor today, this from AVWEB a place I visit a couple of times a week. They also do a picture of the week competition that I look forward to viewing, those come out on Thursdays. They also do a weekly ditty known as "Short Final" that is always a funny happening between ATC folks and their "Traffic", here is this weeks; it's pretty funny.

Short Final

A few years ago, I was routinely flying my Bonanza from Houston Hobby to Austin. The trip was normally very predictable, including the knowledge that radio traffic, when handed over to Austin Approach, was extremely busy and communications needed to be very efficient. On one trip, the Approach controller changed those rules and added some levity.

Approach:
"Bonanza 56, turn right, heading 350. I hate to tell you this, but you're number 9 for landing, and I have to send you up to Georgetown."

Bonanza 56W
(me)
:
"No problem; those Boeings have a lot more passengers than I do."

Approach:
"56W, what speed can you give me to the outer marker?"

Bonanza 56W:
"I can give you 150 knots."

Approach:
"Great. If you can do that, I'll give you a kiss. Turn left, heading 280, and join the localizer 17L."

Bonanza 56W:
"Left to 280, join the localizer 17L, and I'll pass on the kiss."

Approach:
[Laughter.]

Southwest 123:
"SW 123 checking in on the localizer 17R. And we'll pass on the kiss, too."

[Other aircraft check in and add to the laughter.]

Approach:
"Hey, I'm getting my feelings hurt here! SW 123, ask one of your flight attendants if they would like the kiss."

SW 123:
"Stand by."

[After a few moments ... .]

SW 123:
"Approach, SW 123. One of our flight attendants will meet you on the ground for the kiss. His name is Kevin."

BT: Jimmy T sends.

Secret Life of Space Shuttles

There is a great article here by the magazine Air&Space regarding the long history of the Space Shuttle carrying classified cargo into space. It is a fascinating read, quite long but filled with a bunch of anecdotes from the actual participants, NASA Astronauts and Air Force personnel specifically recruited and trained to conduct classified operations in space.

I love this kind of stuff, most of this is coming out now because programs are being de-classified and the true story can now be told. This differs from the policy over at the New York Times of compromising National Security to help lose a war and thereby throw an election.

BT: Jimmy T sends.

Flying Firsts

Some Aerospace news that may not be in the mainstream.

First up is the flight today of the EADS/Airbus A400M Airlifter.

This is an all new aircraft designed to compete with the Lockheed built C-130 Hercules. The A400M is assembled in Spain and includes all new engines. The 4 TP400D turboprop engines are built by Europrop International and are advertised to be the most powerful turbo shaft style engines ever put on a "Western" aircraft. They generate almost three times as much power (shp = shaft horse power) than the motors on the C-130J's.

It's a good looking aircraft and is built for short and rough airfields with a carrying capacity of 82,000 lbs of cargo (compared with the C-130J's of 44,000 lbs) in a cargo box that is close to the size of the C-17 Globemaster III (built by Boeing now but it started out as a McDonald-Douglass product) just a lot shorter than the cargo box of the Globemaster. EADS/Airbus should do well selling this in Europe and Africa, they have almost 200 sold to 8 different countries. They will sell more as their contribution to the effort in Afghanistan uses up the C-130's they are using so I can see more and more of them in the future. They will in no way reach the thousands of C-130's that have been built over more than 50 years of service.

Now this: On this last Monday Virgin Galactic and Burt Rutan's company, Scaled Composites rolled out Spaceship Two.

Spaceship Two is the center tublar cabin shown in this picture, the two outter fuselage assemblies are part of the MotherShip.

This aircraft along with its White Knight Two mother ship (carrier aircraft) is designed to carry 6 passengers and two pilots up into the near-reaches of space – suborbital. The ticket is something like 200K per (go and get them here) so it's not going to be everyday people flying anytime soon. The cabin can be re-configured for experiments and apparently NASA has talked about leasing some flight time from Virgin Galactic. One other reason I mention this, not just because of the sexy flying machines but because the flights in and out of space will originate from "Spaceport America" in New Mexico. Yes, Las Cruces New Mexico will be home to commercial passenger flights into space. Las Cruces is south and west of the famous UFO Alley and the more famous Roswell New Mexico where most of the UFO fantasy and legend in the USA originate. Neither place is far from where they found Smokey Bear!

Flight testing has already started and they expect to make their first paid flight sometime in 2011. Hurry and reserve your seat before they are all gone!

And Finally: Boeing should be throwing is hopes and dreams into the air very soon, maybe even this next Friday (the 18^th) with the first flight of the vaunted B787 Dreamliner.

This is one of those hodgepodge aircraft built with parts from all over the world and brought to the final assembly area in large chucks and then put together almost like Leggo blogs. Boeing has amassed a huge air force to move these large parts from the many assembly locations and fly them "just-in-time" to one of two facilities, one in suburban Seattle Washington and the other a newly purchased facility in Charleston South Carolina. They have major "subassemblies" being built in 9 different countries and 15 different states. I saw an analysis of miles on some of these assemblies that indicate they will have something like 12,000 miles on them when an aircraft first flies.

Here is one of the DreamLifters a heavly modified 747. The tail hinges (you can see the hinge points in this picture, those two bumps near the where the fuselage necks down to the tail.

Boeing has had problems with getting it all to work; parts left out of supposed completed assemblies and fasteners that had to be replaced in gear delivered to the Boeing assembly facility. The latest problem had to do with how the wings were mated to the center wing box. That has been fixed and they are moving forward with hopes of this first flight this coming week.

This is huge deal for the commercial airline market. It pitts two different approaches by two different Heavy-Weight Manufacturers to the market share problem within the current economic climate. The issue: Is a very large aircraft carrying a whole lot of people more profitable than a medium sized aircraft moving people at a huge efficiency more profitable? It is Airbus and the A380 versus
Boeing and its 787 against each other. Time will tell but it all starts with that first flight.

BT: Jimmy T sends.

Cool Stuff

Cool!!

This picture is from Marines in Helmand Province Afghanistan, they are members of the 4^th Light Armored Reconnaissance Battalion of the 2^nd MEB. To complete the photo credit the picture was taken by AP Photographer Kevin Frayer.

I love the contrast with the fading sun and of course all the gun's pointing to the heavens. I really like that my Son is not one of them!

On another note, SN2 is safely in Kyrgyzstan and awaiting the charter flight back to the U.S. along with the rest of the 1/5 Marines. That should happen sometime next week. Mother, Daughter and Father are well, happy.

BT: Jimmy T sends.

Artifacts Part 1

These are things that I have laying around here from my past that are interesting and mainly speak to my days in the Navy.

My Flight Deck Cranial Helmet.

This first one is a "special" done for me by one of the Shop First Class that was a budding artist. I can't remember his name right now and I am not inclined to dig it up as he turned out to be an assHat. He once responded to my comment about getting stabbed in the back that he only put "sugar coated" knives in my back. Now, he did caricatures for many of us in the shop and in the squadron. I was known as kind of both a geek and a warmonger. I was in love with the Nuke, felt that it was not used enough (still do by the way). This helmet shows both, I was the Squadrons go-to-man for Computer repair, it was the single most complicated piece of gear in our jet and really made it possible for us to do with 4 crewman what the P-3 did with 16. I wore this helmet for quite a long time making numerous cruises onboard the USS Independence but when we first went onto the USS Eisenhower (CVN-69) these helmets were banned because of the famous "Eat Pussy" affair.

This is the helmet cover I wore after that:

Now, you want to know what the "Eat Pussy" affair was all about. Well, when we were onboard the Eike we had a lot of VIP's come aboard to you know look around the newest and most advanced ship in the Navy. One of these, not sure if it was SECNAV or SECDEF was taking a free ride in one of our S-3's which was a big deal since we had two full sets of flight controls so you could put a real pilot on and take a VIP out and actually let them fly the plane. So we saw a bunch of them, VIP's, we even had a special crew that would fly with VIP's all specially screened and good looking like. To make a good impression. Well, this one day we are launching this VIP out on a quick flight and we do our thing. The Cat Hook-up guy strolls up to hook the mighty Viking to the Catapult and here he is wearing on his helmet in great big letters "Eat Pussy". That's reflective too oh by the way, you could see it 20 feet away in the dark!

Well, this VIP gets on the radio and says something like "That's something you do see every day!" and before he returns for his obligatory arrested landing the Ship has come out with a proclamation regarding helmet markings. And we had to change them post haste. The funny thing is that the Boat thought it was one of us in the Squadron with the 'offensive' helmet and only mandated those of us in VS-31 change out, all the while the Cat Hook-up guy strode around advertising his favorite shish kabob meat (how else do you cat). Anyway, several VIP's later and he was toast too.
This is the last surviving Flight Deck Jersey I own, this is a green one. You can see how they fade in the laundry and the black stripe that meant we were members of a Squadron, not Ships Company. Of course the great big VS-31 helps with that id as well. I also wore white ones with a checkerboard on it but none of the survived. You will please note without comment on the size, no way will that fit on me today. Same for this next item:
Genuine gabardine navy pants. Original buttons too. Size, well let's just say they are way smaller than me today.

This is a "Piddle pack".

Used by male aviators that have to relieve themselves while flying. You can see the long neck and the compressed sponges to absorb and contain the uh, fluid. I kept this one, it was part of my small flight back that I kept for when I went flying (still have the flight suit but we have seen enough items that don't fit me). We actually had a storage box in the aircraft to store these. Once Females started flying in high numbers the Navy got rid of these, issuing instead these things that are by all rights and intent – adult diapers.

This is my TL-29 with belt holder.

The TL-29 was a wireman's knife and had the screwdriver blade (which is deployed) and an actual knife blade. We used these pretty much every day. They came out later with an improved version, the TL-31 but I never changed over. I was happy with the old one and carry to this day a knife on my hip; a Leatherman Serge along with a flashlight and my cell phone. Some habits you just don't shake.

Next item is a Hook Point. This is the business end of the tail hook of an S-3 Viking. The thing is huge and very heavy. They are actually removed after every 100 traps and tossed out, so they are big collector's items. Problem is they are very heavy maybe around 50 pounds. I put a slide rule in the picture for scale. You can see the abrading that occurs by the arresting wire in the maw of the hook, the braiding pattern is actually scored into the metal.

Finally, here is my Journal.

This was given to me on the evening I graduated High School by my Folks. They knew I would be leaving and that I loved to write. It was the perfect gift, it went to boot camp, Memphis and technical training, Jacksonville Florida and it survived all the many trips to sea (two different ships) and even the big move to Pennsylvania. It is more than three quarters full with my many stories, little notes, ad's I clipped from newspapers and notices that struck my fancy.

The last entry is immediately before I got married back in 1982. Nothing since.

BT: Jimmy T sends.

POS Prize

This is what comes from low expectations:

"Talking" about "Talking" is all PresBO has done in the short time between his Swearing In and his nominated for the Nobel Pease Prize and he has done little else since save: apologize for America's Exceptionalism. Well he has also gone around blaming Bush for all the ills under the sun. To award him that prize for what he might do is nauseating especially in light of the many who have actually worked to bring Pease to the world.

From his acceptance remarks in Norway:

"And yet I would be remiss if I did not acknowledge the considerable controversy that your generous decision has generated. In part, this is because I am at the beginning, and not at the end, of my labors on the world stage. Compared to some of the giants of history who have received this prize – Schweitzer and King; Marshall and Manedla – my accomplishments are slight."

"My accomplishments are slight", slight, what a joke. If you had a scanning electron microscope you could maybe see his accomplishments. This guy's sense of his own self is extraordinary if he actually thinks that he will equal or even get into the same league as a Schweitzer. Come on here, he might because of his age be able to go around kicking America at every opportunity like his contemporary Jimmy Carter or with his considerable ability to embellish the truth he could match Al "Climategate" Gore. But he will never accomplish the great works of a Schweitzer. What a fraud.

BT: Jimmy T sends.

1201 Alarm

From the category "Near Useless but Nice to Know" we have this gem: Carpe Diem: "American Information Diet: 34 Gigabytes Per Day"

Americans in all our glory take in an estimated 34 Gigabytes a day from all sources including TV (44.85%), Recorded Music (1%), Print media (8.61%) and computer (26.97%). (Note: All these numbers are from 2008.)

The study was an aggregate of all consumption of the U.S. public (I can't even imagine trying to figure this out) and then portioned out per capita. The total number reflects some enormous number with a name that looks made up: 3.6 Zettabytes (which is defined as 10 to the 21^st power bytes). The estimate is that each American spends 12 hours taking in all this "stuff": see chart below.

You know, since I was still kind of stewing over that article yesterday regarding the fact that 4 in 10 Americans do not pay taxes means they most likely are either not working or not working enough. This leaves them with all this time to take in TV and Internet (the two largest bite of the pie above). No wonder Americans are taking in so much data, 12 hours per day they are not working!!

BT: Jimmy T sends.